When you have guidance to steer you to clear thinking, you can best influence the outcome of your divorce.
People getting involved in divorces are frequently angry, sad, frightened or depressed. For those people, it can be very difficult to make rational decisions. They may be mired in frustration about how things should have been. Yet, divorces require making crucial decisions whose results may be long-lasting.
A Certified Family Law Specialist, Donald F. Conviser, Warner Center Law Office's family law lawyer, has developed a technique to enable his clients to master the divorce process.
Mr. Conviser employs an analogy to open the door to mastery: A 'game' is a goal with a set of rules to attain the goal. Everything that we do in life, including divorce, comprises a goal with a set of rules to reach the goal, i.e., a 'game'. You are in the 'game', whether or not you choose it. Without knowing that it is a 'game' or treating it as a 'game', it is difficult to win.
In order for a person involved in a divorce to succeed, his or her goals in the divorce need to be rationally set and the rules of the 'game' need to be learned, understood and applied.
Without defining the goal, you don't know what or where the target is. You are blindfolded. Without learning the rules, your chances of hitting the target are all but eliminated.
With his education, training and experience as a Certified Family Law Specialist, Mr. Conviser counsels his clients to enable them to define and set appropriate goals. He encourages dialog with his clients to ensure that their wishes, desires and objectives are heard.
The Rules of Divorce
Mr. Conviser teaches that the rules of the divorce game include:
- man-made rules: laws, court rules, and case precedents, and
- practical rules, including:
- learn how to deal effectively with the strengths and weaknesses of the other party,
- learn to maximize your strengths and overcome your own weaknesses,
- learn the propensities of the power person [the Judge],
- always treat the power person [the Judge] with respect,
- people do their best when they accept the reality of their situations instead of being mired in frustrated expectations.
One of the most important practical rules is that you need to accurately perceive and accept the reality of your situation in order to effectively deal with it. You don't have to like the way things are; you just have to 'get' how things are and make it all right for things to be the way they are, at least for the time being. If you do so, you will have the power to deal with the realities of your divorce more effectively.
If you reject reality and instead rely on your disappointed expectations about how things should be, you'll render yourself powerless to deal with how things really are. You will be off-center: you won't see things the way they are, and you won't be able to deal with things the way they are.
You can't change where you are, for the moment, or how you got here.
If you learn to center yourself in reality and let go of your obsession that things should have been different from the way they are, you will be best able to influence where you go from here.
Mr. Conviser supports and counsels his clients by teaching them techniques to help them become conscious of how things are and to accept how things are ('reality counseling').
Mr. Conviser provides his clients information and resources to educate them about the laws, rules and judicial officers involved in their cases ('legal counseling').
With this combination of reality counseling and legal counseling, Mr. Conviser empowers his clients to be the master instead of the victim of the divorce 'game' in which they find themselves.
"In all honesty, within the first few meetings, Donald seemed to "get me" and understand me better than my own family. I was astounded at his insight and how he knew exactly what I was trying to say even when I didn't know how to say it." - KS